Whilst browsing the web the other day, I came across an article that stated that if you are prone to the dreaded midge in the summertime, leave off eating bananas. Seems that something happens to the body when the banana gets into the system. This makes you VERY ATTRACTIVE to midges.

Looks like I'll be on a banana free diet this year just to see if it works.

I was just browsing through.

When I came upon the article below. I make no apology for the content, it just struck me as very funny, especially as I know the area.

AN EARTHQUAKE HITS DERBY
By R.E.Porter

An earthquake hit Derby on September 23, 2002. The epicentre was Chaddesden. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "fucking hell", "bollocks" and "where's me fags". The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of momentoes from Blackpool and Skegness were damaged beyond repair and three preserved areas of historic burned out cars were destroyed.

Many locals were woken well before their Giro arrived and hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered that something interesting happened in Chaddesden. One resident, Tracy Delores Smith, a 15-year-old single mother of five said, "It was a shock, my little Chardonay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying and my hands were shaking that much I could hardly skin up whilst I was watching Trisha. My youngest two, Tyler Morgan and Megan Storm, slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning."

Adam, who lives a few doors away said, "After a heavy weekend, my girlfriend and I were heavily asleep when the earthquake struck. I remember waking up but soon returned to sleep. In the morning we discussed it in bed and both agreed it was the washing machine." Two joyriders complained, "We've never been so terrified... we called the police but they said there was nothing they could do. Why do we pay our taxes?"

Apparently though, looting, mugging and car crime carried on as normal. The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantites of personal belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundstretcher.

HOW YOU CAN HELP

The appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include - Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers), Shell suits (female), white sport socks and Rockport boots and many other items sold by Matalan. Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuff include Microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice-cream and cans of Fosters or Special Brew. Monetary donations are also welcome. 22p buys a biro for filling in compensation forms. £2.00 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9 and £5.00 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

For £20, a fake M.O.T can be bought (or 10 gallons of red diesel to burn the vehicle out) and £26.00 is enough for 200 Regal from Tommo who has just got back from Kavos. Please don't send tents, as the sight of posh housing will upset residents in neighbouring areas. All items of property, lost during the earthquake, can be bought at Donington market which is held every Sunday.

I'm back. I was disconnected by my old ISP (Toucan) December 16th '08 this after signing up with "Something .com" Part of what used to be called "PlayTVUK". The engineer called to fit me up with the gear for wireless, it seems I have more wires now than ever before. Anyway, I have just managed to get back on-line 3rd march 09 due to incompetence by "Something". I'm now playing "Catch-ups" a long job.
If you get a call from these people, think long & hard before signing up with them.
That's the bad out of the way

I turned 65 back in January I now have a job for life, paid by the government to stay away from work. Yet another of life's ambitions achieved . I started celebrating around Jan'12th by replacing my Saab 900s with a Mondeo XL (or is it LX? They're all the same to me) 4yrs old with a free 3yr warranty thrown in. I reckon that should see me through. To carry on the celebrations we spent a 4 night stay at Bodelwyddan Castle A Warner's Hotel break half board. We had a good time there swimming, walking even a touch of archery. I promised the guys there that if I called again, I would bring my archery gear & show them some proper gear

Sometime last year we booked a holiday inTenerife for a week on a one-way ticket. we were to depart 1st February 06;00 flight from E Mid's airport. the idea was we did not know when to come back home, or even from where. In December we got in touch with RCI (We have a time-share points thing with them) asking if there was anything available for February. There was, two weeks in Gran Canaria, in two hotels, we booked them then & there. On our first week at a fantastic hotel (we up-graded to half board), we were watching the weather on BBC & ITV Central East. We then decided that we would not return home until March 2nd, Monday flight to E' Mid's airport, so we booked a third hotel on the island at Playa del Ingles. We missed all the bad weather I'm pleased to say but it was pretty cold for us when we got back. We had temperatures up 30 or more at times it must have been about 10 when we got back warm for you maybe, but we had grown used to the better life.

Oh well, back to the grind I suppose, bills to pay, holidays to save for (We're off to Bodelwyddan again in September for our 38th anniversary) walking groups to shepherd around, archery gear to sort out like new strings & arrows. Oh, & get rid of the Saab if I can find a buyer. I have also got a massive task to sort out in the back garden, but that as they say, is another story. Cheers

P.S. I forgot to mention, I treated myself to a new MP4 player Sony Walkman 8Gb. Seems a good tool so far. All I have to do now is to sort out the little bits like not duplicating tunes in the music files. Yup, the best 65th birthday I've had.